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Blooming Where You Are Planted

There is nothing like being catapulted out life as you know it and into a not new but vaguely familiar environment. That is what happened to me last August when I was laid off from my job. I had not-so-secretly wished for a change. Old adage applies: be careful what you wish for.

It all seems rosy at first, grass is greener, everything you’ve been saying you want all this time is finally yours. Then, something happens that isn’t what you expected and all of a sudden you feel like this is the worst thing that ever happened to you.

This is exactly what happened to me and the something- that- happened was something very simple but very traumatic. My new gig did not give me full admin rights to my computer. Now many of you are saying, “I don’t even know what that means.” But for those of you that knows what that means are probably thinking “Ooooh yeah, that’s rough.” The institutional font of choice was not installed on my computer (problem #1) and I couldn’t download and install it myself (problem #2). I had to call the Helpdesk (problem #3) and then wait for someone to remotely connect to my pc to install it (problem #4).

A normal, well-adjusted person would roll with it. Not me. My anxiety disorder kicked into high gear and from that point forward, it was all downhill in my head. I tried to force feed this new organization into my old ways of working to re-create my comfort level. I tried to get all the same technology (which they HAD but weren’t USING) to be the “new solutions that would solve all their problems.” Nobody bought into it. I was stripped of all the empowerment I had been thriving under for 9 years. I simply couldn’t adjust to this new way of working. I couldn’t bloom. I was used to growing under certain conditions but was now uprooted and dying so I left the job.

It was a mistake. A giant one. I got a new gig and guess what? It was worse.

Now, I didn’t even have an office or full internet access. I was stripped of EVERY courtesy. It was like my first day out of college. Bottom of the totem pole. They weren’t giving me ANYTHING I needed to bloom. I had to figure that out on my own. Again, it was one little thing that happened that turned out to be a big thing. A giant thing that made all the difference.

A friend.

One person that saw how miserable and floundering I was and asked to have a talk. Maybe it didn’t mean anything to her but it meant everything to me. Everyone noticed the difference in me. My boss said, “Wow, you are smiling! What’s changed?”

I decided to feed myself (metaphorically speaking) and bloom regardless of the clouds blocking the sunny spots. It’s working. I am setting new roots. I am blooming again.

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