True North

In light of last nights eclipse and full Blood Moon, I am sharing this Facebook note that I wrote back in January after the death of my Father.

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Most people don’t use the stars to navigate anymore nor do we walk around with compasses in our hands. Most people don’t care where North is unless they are driving in new territory or watching the weather. But there is a level of basic instinct always moves you in a forward direction and hopefully that direction is the right one, your metaphoric “...true north”.

Basic human instinct teaches you to walk forward to get somewhere faster and more directly than walking backward. But where does our “true north” come from? The knowledge within us that leads us to our sublime destiny? For me, it’s simple. It came from my parents.

My parents are my North Star. Not because they are without fault or are flawless role models but because they know the deepest depths of who I am at my core. They shaped me and gave me the tools I needed to be the person that I am today. They taught me and watched me fall down when I refused to listen. They made me get back up on my own and helped to dust me off. They showed me the way and kept me in check. Even though I am grown and no longer look for them around every turn, they are still the guiding force in my life.

But now, my North Star has been extinguished. Both of my parents are gone. I find the lines between right and wrong becoming blurry. I literally wander in circles for a while before I walk forward. I no longer reign in my words or my actions. I am in the dark with no one to guide me. I am lost.

Sometimes when my heart and mind are quiet, I try and remember the lessons and think of what they would say “if”. I am sure as I move through my grief these feelings will subside and I will remember that I am still the daughter that they raised. Although their presence is gone, their lessons remain and so does their spirits in my life.

It is my responsibility not to let the lessons fade but rather respect them by teaching them to my own daughter. Nothing can extinguish a star in the sky, only clouds can shield your view of it. Hopefully, those clouds will blow away soon. I need the light from my North Star to shine into my life once again.

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